this is a repost of something i put on myspace early april:
in numerology, the number nine represents the cycle of returns. the number multiplied by any other number then reduced is always nine. the nine is the untouchable ideal, ending and beginning all in one, before and after the result is the same regardless of the path: the place you begin and the place you end, the filler stuffed between can be just about anything. it cannot be destroyed, reduced, diminished by any other force in nature or systematic frame of reference.
so i'm stuck on repeat in the filler stuck between, the most insignificant part of the whole damn process, double stuck, doubletime, double trouble.
do we choose to be victims of our predatory minds under moonlight, disillusioned by lurking shadows and remain unaware of our potential to escape. do we subconsciously choose in the darkness to become unsavory bedfellows with those bottomless wells and black holes that we are constantly prowling through, searching endlessly on an eternal loop. an infestation of destructive intellect, a short in the circuit, the shipwreck is going under, oh no there's bugs in the wires. they hatch in that seldom touched space between whats filled in with shades of grey in a warm 9x8=72 7+2= 9 percent, now immune to the current that runs through the wires.
tonight is one of many nights spent laying down in a dark room, eyes burning and mind on fire. shooting stars of anguish are completely unprovoked...it is unnecessary. they flash for a quick second, tiny haunting monsters cutting through the air screeching, the glimmer of knives and the sounds that sparkle. the only dreamworld i know is the concept of sleep, so foreign and strange. the life around me has become the dream but someone else is the ringleader of this circus of irony and twisted fate. the longer you ignore or refuse to confront the monsters, the more of a significance they take on...the larger they grow. the nine giant swords of anguish and self imposed cruelty once again loom over the bed i comfort in.... this midnight train to self destruction has jumped the tracks.
when a light worker walks the shadowlands one too many times....
in the absence of light, we destroy. enchance the detrimental, we prefer anonymity. in one moment we can surrender to the abyss so we no longer visually see ourselves or others....we must learn another way to see. despite all the shadows lurking and after effects glowing hauntingly, in all the detriment the darkness brings it forces us to experience in a whole new way. subconscious thoughts come to the surface in strange new ways, the recurring themes of destruction become so obviously bright in our newly begun double lives. sometimes destruction is the only way to bring about awareness, while at other times consciousness must be thrown upon us in the most unpleasant ways before we are able to gain the necessary awareness to be able to finally move on.
so i've moved on, am i still haunted?
how much longer can i destroy myself when there's hardly anything left to destroy....
anyways.
i got some fckin issues these days
xoxo
